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Wonderlands Angels
  Updated Tue, 19 Jun 2018 21:54:22 +0000
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Youngblood- 5 Seconds of Summer Album Review
Category blogger, blogging, music, music blog, music blogger, music review, music tag, musician, review, reviews, 5 seconds of summer, 5 Seconds of Summer Youngblood, 5sos, blog, music reviews, musical, track by track review, Youngblood
Published:
Description: Hello Angels! If you follow me on social media (mainly Instagram) you’ll know that I’ve been excited for this, that the day before it came out and the day it came, I was hyped. Friends acted like my 2 posts was obsessive but here’s the thing: here’s a third. I know that it’s not an …   more...

Hello Angels!

If you follow me on social media (mainly Instagram) you’ll know that I’ve been excited for this, that the day before it came out and the day it came, I was hyped. Friends acted like my 2 posts was obsessive but here’s the thing: here’s a third.

I know that it’s not an in-depth review of each song, but if it was it’d be about 16,000 words minimum and none of you want to read an essay on my opinions of Youngblood. Could I do it? Yes. Would anyone read it? Highly doubtful, but if you want a 16,000 word essay about it, let a girl know.

If you’re a reader of this blog, you’ll know that I did a review on their first single ‘Want You Back’ which I’ll link here. I’ve been excited since then and had the album pre-ordered as soon as I could possibly do it. So, because I’m excited and I’ve given myself a few days to listen in full, here is my track by track review.

Youngblood
This is still one of my favourites on the album. The second single from the album, and it packs a punch; as with Want You Back and as we now know a lot of the album, it has sad lyrics with a upbeat, hard hitting beat.
Luke’s voice in this sounded like him but also far from like him and that hit me hard. He’s got a lot more control, but it sounds raw. The drums, the bass, the guitars. It just blends perfectly and is the perfect way to start the album off.
Lyrically? One of my favourites. “You’re pushing, you’re pushing, I’m pulling away” and the term ‘dead man‘ are phrases and terms I just fucking love. It perfectly describes problematic, but still passionate love, but they’re not making it romantic. You can hear the pain and frustration.

Want You Back
I’m not going to be doing a full on review of it because it’s been done here. But basically, it’s a fucking great song, but here’s the thing: it’s no longer a favourite on the album because the quality of the other songs. I wish I could go into detail like in this review with every song but alas, you’d get bored of my technical shit.

Lie to Me
This song makes me genuinely sad. It genuinely upsets me and it only had the impact when I properly sat down and listened to it. I think the wish that a lover would lie to you to make you feel loved and valued is heartbreaking. The sadness of a love moving on, looking happy, being with someone new after you thought you had something good. This song actually hurts me in a way I didn’t expect, and I think people overlook it way too much.
Also, while yes the others kill it, can we talk about how vulnerable Luke sounds? How emotional he sounds? I think that is what brings the pain harder, the fact that you know that it is a feeling everyone can feel. One of my favourites on the album.

Valentine
Contraversial: not my favourite. I like the lyrics, and I like the meaning of the lyrics which were broken down in this drunken video, but it’s not my favourite and I can’t pin down why; Mikey sounds fucking great, Luke sounds good, but there’s some outshining going on, which I’ll cover in a sec.
But first, just a tiny sidenote: this reminded me a little of Twenty One Pilots in a way, with elements of The 1975. I like the song, it grew on me a lot, but it’s not a favourite.
The drum beat is ace, and the bassline is killer (every bassline on this album is, hats off the Callum Hood, you done good boy). The reason I mention the drums and bass in particular is because they make the song. They carry it for me and give it the sexy edge. Hats off the Ashton and Callum.

Talk Fast
This honestly reminds me of the 80’s in a way in the beat and the composition, and while the bass and drums are ace yet again, the guitar riff steal it for me; there’s such timing and skill there. After trying to learn guitar but my fingers being too tiny (I may be a bassist but it’s a 3/4 bass because of said tiny hands), I’m amazed by guitar players just because I can’t get my head around it.
But, I digress: lyric wise, I like it, but there are better songs lyrically on the album. The song about a fast romance where you’re okay when it falls apart as long as you can take whatever this person is offering? No longer little angelic boys and I’m here for it.

Moving Along
ASHTON STOLE THE SHOW. The drums killed me on this and even left my boyfriend shook, people need to talk more about his talent because fuck me sideways he’s good. Melody and tune wise, this is one of my favourites, which has surprised a lot of people who I’ve spoken to about it- and honestly I get it.
There’s a lot going on admittedly, but I like that because it meshes well. I like the almost nursery rhyme element, and nobody is talking about how well it’s all put together or talking about the song enough in general. The prechorus sticks with me because the way it’s sang and the tune reminds me slightly of Bye Bye Bye by N*Sync (not a bad thing) in the last of the lines ‘ending it‘, ‘regretting it‘, ‘admit it‘.
I fucking love the lyrics. It’s bitter, and questioning, contrasting the innocent sounding melody. I think it’s just put together amazingly and deserves a little more credit.

If Walls Could Talk
This is a firm favourite. Mikey kills it. Luke kills it. Callum kills it. Ash kills it. This is just a song perfectly put together, and the lyrics are so brutally honest, but done in a way where they let you in, but they don’t let you know anything. You’re left asking questions, left knowing more but less, like why would you “Fall from grace“. When thinking about it, you get the meaning if you think of the lines “Not everything is primitive, but I’m giving it“. Some are believe it’s about wishing things that happened behind closed doors hadn’t been leaked to the public, and a fear of secrets coming out.
This sounded like a mysterious yet kind of sexy song, and Luke and Callum? Voices are giving it; they’re carrying that vibe which is what makes the song as good as it is. Give it to another vocalist, and I doubt it’d have the same tone or theme.

Better Man
They’re saying what a lot of girls (and boys) wanna hear; their love makes someone a better man. How many girls (again, and boys) do you hear going after the ‘bad boy’ or the ‘bad bitch’ to try and change them and make them good?
This song seems a lot more calm, laid back than some of the others, but there’s still a little bit of a beat which I found myself dancing along to. In a way, it almost reminded me of ‘Shape of You‘ by Ed Sheeran. Unsure to why, but just parts of it led me to that, and because of that? Could be a massive success as a single.

More
Elements of Arctic Monkeys ring through to me. The guitar riff is what draws me in, Mikey and Luke nailed it. The feel of the song is powerful and almost pleading: “We used to have more” is sang as a loud, plead. The range that Luke has is also immense, and that shines in this song.
Again, a common theme with the album, you get a sad song with a pumped up, energetic beat, creating a contrast of the happy and the sad, and the lines blurring between the two- in this case, wishing that you used to have the love that you once had with a person, wishing that things were better.

Why Won’t You Love Me
This is one which I liked, but it didn’t stand out to me, other than the link my head made with ‘Airplanes’ from the last album with the begining melody before vocals come in, which you then hear “Switching into Airplane mode”. It talks about asking someone to ‘be good’ hinting that he’s afraid of the significant other being unfaithful.
The question of why he’s not being loved and “Why won’t love me” is heartbreaking. Each member’s vocals shine in this, and what got to me is the piano before the last chorus and the drums during the last chorus. It builds it up, and it was just a little thing I liked.
For me, I’ve got nothing against the song, it’s just not one I’ve connected with.

Woke Up in Japan
One which I like, but I can’t go into depth on. It just didn’t fit in my brain and I couldn’t work out why because it’s all there. The lyrics are great, instruments are played incredibly well as usual, but it didn’t mesh for me. Still a song I like, if you can’t tell I like the whole album, but it’s not one I’d put on. I’d not skip it, but I’d not go looking for it.

Empty Wallets
One of my most played and I like the metaphorical lyrics in it which are also able to be taken at face value, depending on how you interpret the song. Could be about how a heart is empty from giving love(“Stop digging in your heart because tonight is on me”), or, could be about how a wallet is empty from spending too much money on a person (“…dancing on empty wallets, spend it all on you”).
Either way, past me can relate.
I like the piano at the beginning, before it built up into the beat and the song itself which differed dramatically from the beginning of the song- a theme I’ve mentioned before. I like the punchy lyrics and the almost demanding way they’re phrased, despite the vulnerability from the “Getting higher when I’m high, to see you eye to eye“. It’s another song that I love, and it is one of my most played, but I can’t form an opinion or pick out an instrument or comment on the way each is played: it’s so well formed that it just sounds natural, so people who want to talk about each instrument like me? We’re fucked.

Ghost of You
100% my favourite on the album and easily one of my new favourite songs in general. The second I heard it, I welled up and started crying because I felt it. I’ve written with a similar message, I’ve got songs of a similar tone, so hearing the words I’ve been trying to put out there sang to me hit home.
I like that this is stripped back; there’s no overly fancy production, there’s no dramatic business, there’s no random opera (looking @ you Imagine Dragons). It’s raw, it’s honest, it’s open and it hurts me. That’s why I love it and I respect the song so much: if you can have such an impact, you’re doing it right.
I drown it out, like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you” hits me hard because it’s the image of someone either drowning their sorrows in the typical meaning of the phrase or drowning them out in your head to put up a facade that you’re okay when you’re far from it. Then the idea that they’re stuck in the past, with the memory of their former lover? This is a film level live story.
I loved the piano, I loved the subtle drums and bassline and I loved the guitar riff. I like how they blend and each stand out, but they also let the vocals shine and hit a chord with the listener.
You should see something on Instagram soon connecting to this song. No more hints, but soon you’ll see what I mean.

Monster Among Men
First of all, Mikey’s voice on this is perfect. Like with Jet Black Heart on the last album, he fits it perfectly and I know I say Luke’s voice has matured and he’s gotten more control, but the same goes for Mikey.
The guitar on this is also amazing. The skill it takes is impressive, but the way it both blends but is almost entirely different in parts is something I’d not expect. Drums are again done with flare and expertise and bass ties it all together.
This might have my one of my favourite choruses on the album. I like the almost suddenness of it. I like the build up, I like that it packs a punch. To the point where it’s been stuck in my head all day and I’ve been singing it (was great for sound testing and soundcheck: 5 Seconds of Summer helping with uni work?).

Meet You There
There’s a funk to this, a bit of soul, but it’s an incredibly catchy song. It covers a lot of bases and touches different genres within one song and we know how I’m usually a one track mind kinda girl, but this works incredibly well. It takes some balls and some confidence to pull off a song like this, and they’ve done it.
I can’t actually put this song into words: it’s something which I can’t fully describe or go into. I just know, a firm favourite on the album of mine and I needed to stop the CD a sec to take it all in.

Babylon
A good way to finish the album. It reminded me a lot of the Rock and Roll’s not Dead album by Fall Out Boy at the beginning, before it becomes more relaxed in the verses. But after the calm of the verses, there’s drama, there’s effects, there’s a bitter tone to it full of regret. I feel a sense of fury in it which draws me to it.
We said we both loved higher than we knew we could go” is a line which I think will hit home with a lot of people. I know for certain that it knocked me back a second after hearing it because I understand, I’ve been there. The brutal honesty is something that I’m glad they’ve not skipped on while writing this album because you know them better but you don’t know too much.
Burned too bright now the fire’s gone, watch it all fall down, Babylon” is also a truth a lot of people live- you put everything in and eventually it burns out and it falls apart. And the “stay one more night” is prolonging the love, not wanting to let go.
This composition wise is my favourite hands down. There’s so much, there’s so much feeling that it’s one of their best songs full stop. I can’t pick out one member who killed it or caught my attention because they all fucking nailed it. This, like with Ghost of You is one of my favourites on the album and one of my favourite songs.

Basically, they fucking killed it. This was worth the 3 year wait. The effort, the love, the craftsman ship. After being a fan from the beginning, watching them grow as artists is incredible and inspiring as someone who does also play music. To grow up alongside your favourite band is an incredible thing and the raw emotion and maturity on the album stuns me.

There is something for every mood, every occasion, every feeling. They explored as artists and allowed themselves time to make something they were proud of, and it fucking paid off; I can say that this year, this will be my favourite album of 2018 hands down. Before you point out that they’re my favourite band so I’m bias, here’s my 2015 favourite album’s post and they were not number one.

I hope you enjoyed; I wish I could have gone into depth on it, but it’s long enough without me going all in, god help anyone who read it otherwise. Thank you for taking the time to read, I know it’s a lot to get through, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Stay safe and stay happy, Angels ?

Student Life: Making a Little Money
Category advice, affordable, bargain, eBay, FAQ, finance, hacks, help, how to, money, music blog, music blogger, student, Uncategorized, wonderlands angels, wonderlandsangels, blog, blogger, finance advice, make money fast, make money quickly, making money, money advice, nini wonderland, quick money, student advice, student blog, student blogger, student hacks, student money
Published:
Description: Hello Angels! Okay, so after a year of being a student, I think I can properly talk about this issue; the money issue. But, because of that, I can also give a few hints on how to make a little money to tide you over and keep you going- and this goes for both life …   more...

Hello Angels!

Okay, so after a year of being a student, I think I can properly talk about this issue; the money issue. But, because of that, I can also give a few hints on how to make a little money to tide you over and keep you going- and this goes for both life after and while being a student. If you’re soon becoming a student, keep note; when you get your loan, you will marvel at the money, but also marvel as you lose your money.

So, without further digression, here are some tips to keep you afloat and help you MAKE money (I’ll save the tips on saving when I figure that out myself, I have a minor shopping addiction)

1. A Part Time Job
Yes, I know, the dreaded ‘J’ word. I know they’re difficult to find and balancing work, social life and uni is difficult. But, they will tide you over and keep money going into your account. If you’ve got bills to pay, if you’ve got food to buy, rent to pay (or in the case of some people I know, an overdraft to pay) then this will keep you afloat. Just make sure you do hit a balance; there’s no point in studying and paying for something if you’re only working to pay for that something. You still need to study and you still need to see people- whether it be friends or family.

2. Sell online:
I do this and you bet your arse it helps. For me, I sell things at a reasonable price, and buy packaging items in bulk; if you wrap things in a plastic bag, yes you’re reusing said plastic bag, but God knows what damage could be done to your item. I sell on eBay, but there’s depop and God knows how many others. Yes, they take a small fee and PayPal will take a small fee, but it’s still putting money into your account.

I’m selling clothes, jewellery and a small shit ton of vintage stuff on eBay. If you wanna have a peek or help a girl out, I’m at nini_wonderland (shameless promo #1). Do you get hassle, rude people and fake feedback? Yeah, you do, but honestly, block users like that. If people want an online eBay selling post, let me know because I’d be happy to do that!

3. Sponsorships/ Collaborations:
Bloggers bread and butter, but we live in a world where all you have to do is post on Instagram and you can get some money. I’ve recently become a brand ambassador for Halifornia apparel, and full disclosure, I get 20% of any sale I make and you get 20% off when my code is used (NIAS88520 to get said 20% off AND shameless promo #2). Sidenote quickly: an ethical brand with great quality clothing, but that’s for a different post.
Yes, it’s a way of making extra money, and as long as you tell people you are, where is the harm in it? If you have any sort of following, give it a go because it’s a way to keep you going.

4. User Testing Sites:
I haven’t done this, but I know friends who do; you test a site for a company, give feedback, and you’ve got some money going into your bank. Does it take time? Yeah, but in this world, you have to work for money, and this isn’t too time consuming or strenuous. I’m gonna give it a go, and when I do, I’ll link some sites which are legit- or if you know any, link me them in comments!

5. Paid Surveys:
This is something which is hit and miss; some sites are scamming you for information. But, I know one called Curious Cat which basically asks for your phone number and your email- it gives you money through PayPal instantly and if any linked surveys ask for more than your gender, age and district (North West, North East ect…) They will screen you out so you’re not giving away an unsafe amount of information. Again, if you know of any legit sites, link them in the comments!

6. Writing an e-book:
This takes time and effort, but God you can make some money. Pricing at 1.79 and above, Amazon (if you use that site- I am planning on it which is a hint at what I’ve been working on) will take some shares, but it goes to you and you get to share your work. If you’ve done this, link me and I’ll give it a read; I’m always looking for more things to read!

7. Selling Notes:
I’m midway thorough doing this (writing them up on my laptop because my handwriting is awful) with my Philosophy and RE notes from last year and some of my English Literature (hit me up if you need notes, I’ve got piles of them). You’re selling stuff you’ve worked on and passing knowledge. I see no issue with it; it’s your intellectual property, nobody can tell you what you can/can’t do with it.

8. Selling Photography:
Foap is a great place for this; I’ve done it and nobody has bought any of it yet, but there’s competitions to earn money, and you get your work out there- possibly linking to paid jobs if spotted by the right people (shameless promo #3, my account is here!)

9. Saving Change:
Yeah: those 2p’s and 1p’s you throw away add up; I’ve had 20 in change before now and after sticking it in a change machine, I’ve had spendable money. Save them up, and you’ll be surprised how quickly you realise that you do actually have money.

10. Sell Your Art:
I do this too on KoFi (shameless promo #4, my link is here). If you need money and can write, draw, do graphics work, tattoo designs: KoFi is the place- if you’re a blogger, I have a button on my blog itself so you can link your two accounts. You find people to do what they love and to possibly help them out with tight situations by donating money to them for the price of a coffee.

Those are my own tips for making a little bit of money, most tried and tested by myself. Links to any accounts I do have will be linked of course, and please tell me any tips you have (please, you’ll be helping a girl out?).

Stay safe and stay happy, Angels!

You Deserve Better- James Arthur Review
Category music, music blog, music blogger, music review, musician, review, reviews, Uncategorized, 2018 music, blog, blogger, blogging, James Arthur, James Arthur review, James Arthur You Deserve Better, James Arthur You Deserve Better review, musician music review, new music, nini wonderland, wonderlands angels, wonderlandsangels, You Deserve Better, You Deserve Better review
Published:
Description: Hello Angels! Did I not say that I’d be posting more often? I’m here and I’m talking about something I love: music. A little known fact about me unless you know me personally: I fucking love James Arthur. I also have some respect for the bloke; throughout his scandals and the stuff that went on …   more...

Hello Angels!

Did I not say that I’d be posting more often? I’m here and I’m talking about something I love: music.

A little known fact about me unless you know me personally: I fucking love James Arthur. I also have some respect for the bloke; throughout his scandals and the stuff that went on behind the scenes in his past, he’s built himself up and he’s able to reflect on the past. He’s able to see what was right/wrong, and he’s openly talking about his past issues and issues he may still have (not gonna delve into his private life because, what right do I really have?)

When he announced he was releasing new music, my ears perked up. As a fan and someone who thinks that lyrically he’s could be one of the best, I was ready, my ears were ready and my heart was ready. I was even more ready after his vocals on ‘You Can Cry‘ with Marshmallow and Juciy J.

With You Deserve Better, I’ll say that he’s gone with an upcoming trend in music, and it feels more stripped back, more minimalistic. With a bassline and drumbeat leading the chorus, and guitar in the verses, it was simplistic and stripped back, and here’s the thing: it fucking works.

Quick sidenote- you know why I said it seemed to be an upcoming trend and theme? Think of the verses and prechorus in Want You Back by 5 Seconds of Summer (my review of that linked here). Although a hell of a lot of effort and elements go into making the sound possible, unless you’ve got an ear for music or you have workings in music, you’d not know or notice the effort it takes (and the balls if takes). Although no, they’re not the same, the approach seemed similar to me.

Lyrically, it’s not one of his best, but it’s not awful; there’s meaning in there and it’s not just repeating the same words or phrases constantly. For me as a big fan, I look at his past work such as Naked, Trainwreck, Watched the Rain Together, Broken Hearted, Faded and I’ll Reach You (oh yeah, I’m a fucking fan) I compare them. Yes, I know the points that people will make that Trainwreck is a completely different subject, I’ll Reach You is a different tone, but there is still a difference. Faded is the song that reminds me the most of You Deserve Better (“Honey I’m not worth it, so don’t you cry for me”) as it is a similar topic in parts. In most recent years, it has the same kind of tone as Prisoner; he’s aware that he’s on a bad path and telling his partner they should leave (“When I throw up out your window, you should confiscate my keys, I will drive you up the fucking wall, is it too late to believe”) though the message isn’t as direct as You Deserve Better- it’s more talking about his battles of addiction and wanting to make his significant other see he’s not great in his current state.

When it comes to You Deserve Better? It is more commercial, and as a lead single, it’s a wise business move; it’s catchy enough that it’ll get in people’s heads, the lyrics are simplistic enough to remember and it’s relatable. When you think about it, when you look at his last album Back From the Edge, Say You Won’t Let Go was the lead single, and in comparison to topics covered on the rest of the album, it was more commercial, more relatable to people- another wise business move.

The twist that interested me though was that it wasn’t just moping saying that this person deserved better; it was saying that they hoped they DID find better and that they wanted them to find someone else. Unlike the many songs just saying a person deserves better but they thank their partner for stayibg, he elludes to leaving and saying he hopes they find better. I love this element because we need someone to be self aware; not every issue in a relationship is down to another person or solely down to that person (looking @ you Swift, oh look what you’ve made me do*) but also when you know it’s your fault, take the blame and don’t guilt trip people into staying- you know you’re being shitty and you know they should leave.

I’m a fan of this, and despite me not thinking it’s the best thing he’s done, has it been on repeat? You bet your fucking arse it has.

So, my final piece of advice? Go listen to it- it’ll be linked throughout the post but also here. His other songs mentioned will be linked too because you’re missing out if you’ve not heard them, but get the tissues ready because they’re pretty fucking sad.

Stay safe and stay happy Angels?

*I love her but let’s be honest, it’s rare that something is her fault, and don’t mention Back to December, I Almost Do or All to Well, because I said it was rare, not impossible.

Where Did I Go?
Category blogging, mental health, my life, real life, Uncategorized, updates, blogger, blogging community, blogging hiatus, explanation, hiatus, life updates, nini wonderland, return form hiatus, return to blogging, wonderlands angels
Published:
Description: Hey Angels. It’s been awhile, I’m fully aware: last time I wrote I promised an influx of posts and lots of things coming your way. Instead, you’ve had static, and I’m sorry for that. In all honesty, I’ve not felt motivated to write. Words weren’t coming out right, and I wasn’t happy with anything I …   more...

Hey Angels.

It’s been awhile, I’m fully aware: last time I wrote I promised an influx of posts and lots of things coming your way. Instead, you’ve had static, and I’m sorry for that.

In all honesty, I’ve not felt motivated to write. Words weren’t coming out right, and I wasn’t happy with anything I wrote. I’m not like how I used to be, I won’t just post for the sake of posting something. If I write anything, I want it to be decent quality and something I don’t look back on a week later and hate. I hit a dry spell. I didn’t think I was doing the right thing by putting on a front or just writing mind numbing shit for the sake of it.

I’ve also had masses of uni work to get through, which has NOT been easy and it still isn’t easy. When I put things in a list of priorities, writing when I wasn’t passionate wasn’t that high on the list in comparison to work (yeah, ya girl has a job now) to uni, to family, friends and my boyfriend. I needed to take a step back, and be around some necessary evils (uni), but also balance that with spending time with the people I love.

But, as I’ve nearly finished uni for the next few months, as I’m looking for a Summer job, I will have time to be around more. To actually be here. I have been slacking- in all honesty, I’ve not looked at anything related to blogs at all because I knew I needed a break, UNLESS to read sponsored posts I’ve been made aware of, you know I’ll support a blogger in a heartbeat, get those collabs bitch! I’d say a hiatus, but I’m nowhere near big enough for my absence to the blog itself to be a hiatus. Just a small break until I’m back on track and when I have time to write, and I’m in a place to write things that aren’t pointless drivel.

There have been so many topics that I wanted to speak out upon- the recent issues with feminism, Nicole Arbour, and the INCREDIBLE music being released the past few months. I’ve wanted to talk about my #beYOUteFULL campaign, but I’ve not been motivated enough to really do much connected to that either.

If my heart isn’t 100% in it for a time period, I’m not gonna force it. I’m not gonna fake it. You can tell when a bloggers heart is in a post and when they’re doing it because they have to post, or doing something will gain attention and followers: being fake and following a crowd like a sheep for followers or for collaborations or for fame is disrespectful to you. There’s no need to fake it; be the original you. I’m not that kind of person and I hope I never am that kind of person. If I am, call me the fuck out because that bitch ain’t me and I’m clearly having an identity crisis.

I will be posting more, but I’m not going to make promises about how much other than at least once a week.

Oh, and a sidenote: to all you who follow to then unfollow on Instagram I see you bitches, don’t run your mouths on Twitter complaining about people doing it to you then do it to my arse, I unfollow right the fuck back. That has been a PSA with Nia.

Stay safe and stay happy Angels ?

The Be-YOU-te-FULL Campaign (#beYOUteFULL)
Category Be-YOU-te-FULL, Be-YOU-te-FULL campaign, beauty blog, beauty blogger, body, body image, culture, curvy, eating disorders, health, healthy, mental health, mental illness, music blog, music blogger, my story, plus size, political, real life, real talk, recovery, society, #beYOUteFULL, #BeYOUteFULL campaign, beauty standards, body confidence, body confidence campaigns, body positive, body positive campigns, body positivity, eff your beauty standards, fuck your beauty standards, inspiring recovery, media beauty, Nini, nini wonderland, self care, self love, self respect, self worth, wonderlands angels, wonderlandsangels, you are worthy
Published:
Description: Hello Angels! I hinted at this on my Instagram yesterday, and if you look through the tags, you’ll see that #beYOUteFULL has appeared in my past 3 posts. For uni, we had to plan a media campaign. I decided to do one on something I knew well: eating problems, disorders, and coping with them and …   more...

Hello Angels!

I hinted at this on my Instagram yesterday, and if you look through the tags, you’ll see that #beYOUteFULL has appeared in my past 3 posts.

For uni, we had to plan a media campaign. I decided to do one on something I knew well: eating problems, disorders, and coping with them and recovering. From that planning stage, I decided no. No, this wasn’t just going to be a planned project that would be marked then forgotten about: I’m actually going to do this.

A little backstory for you: when I was 15/16, I was on the verge of anorexia, if not anorexic. I went to a size 6/8-ish, which for me personally is not healthy. If you’re naturally that size or get to that size healthily, you work it and rock it, I support you. But for me, when I’m naturally an 10/12 through eating a balanced diet and working out (hips, thighs and arse are a 14, but I’m just blessed?) it was not healthy and I looked incredibly ill on those pictures.

I was in an awful relationship and suffered horribly with anxiety and I was depressed, I was having suicidal thoughts. If I got bigger than an 8, I was made to feel big; it’d be pointed out that I’d gained weight. On top of that, I was doing my GCSE’s, so was stressed enough without the added pressure to be perfect. To be able to be shown off. For the size of my thighs to dictate the size of my worth. I was still pursing modelling, and I know the less pounds you weigh, the more pounds in your pocket. For me, to take control of something when I was losing control, I controlled my eating. I looked in the mirror and saw somebody bigger than I was. I was slowly killing myself, to be brutally honest. I ate my tea and very few other meals, but when I did, I was so stressed and so depressed I’d not gain the weight, I’d lose it. I was dancing, doing athletics, and even after I had to stop that for a foot injury, I was still tiny: I couldn’t use that as a reason or an excuse anymore.

I reached a point where I wanted recovery when my mum sat me down and told me she was worried. To everyone who knows me, you know I’m a mums girl, so to be upsetting and worrying my mum and dad (and even my brother who is oblivious to the world around him) was the thing I needed. My best friend Georgia told me she was worried, and that kicked me up the arse. She’s a walking ray of sunshine, so to kill that shine that killed me. Just after this, my then boyfriend split up with me after months of mental and emotional abuse, to put it plainly. I should have walked, but I didn’t. I was too wrapped up thinking I deserved what I put myself through and what he put me through, unable to see how much I was hurting those around me. This was a month before I turned 17. Many of you read my blog what I was suffering: I hid it well.

Now, I’m 19, and I’m happy. I’m physically healthy. I have rougher patches and bad days, but I’m mentally healthier. I’m in a relationship with somebody who truly loves me and treats me like a princess- he loves me no matter my size, my shape, my past or my opinions. I’m not hurting my family (something I see as a massive bonus point, I hate the fact I hurt them and I still hate my past self for hurting them so much). Do I still have days where I feel big or don’t like my body? Yes: every person does. But I look at my thunder thighs (I could crush you and will crush you if you fuck with me, there is strength in these thighs) and my tiny tummy and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I’m proud that I’m no longer hurting those around me, that I know my worth. I thank my mum and family and Georgia every day (mentally, I should actually say it a lot more) for what they did for me, because if it wasn’t for them I could have been a lot worse.

Another reason why I do it and why I decided to go all out with this?

I had a family member point out to me a few months after my 17th birthday that I’d gained weight. That I was bigger. They eyed my pizza and my cake like I should be eating less. Like I should be moved away from the food. In contrast, my mum was looking at me with pride and love and she knew she had her daughter back and not the shell of the girl I had been. I think the family member actually said, ‘A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips‘. The disgust on my mums face and the tone of my brothers voice and she still didn’t get it. I remember my response still:

“The thing is, I was incredibly sick. Now I’m not.”

She still didn’t get it and still doesn’t; she doesn’t seem to understand how I could be happier now I’m bigger and willingly got bigger. The comments on my weight roll off me now. I’m healthy and I’m proud of my curves…

Oh, and moment on my lips is a blessing for these hips, I’m an hourglass for a reason.

So, why Be-YOU-te-FULL? Well, everyone deserves to be and feel beautiful (pass the cheese) and there’s nothing wrong with being full. Whether it be because you’ve been starving your body and you’ve finally ate enough, or whether you’re suffering BED and you don’t binge until you’re overly full. Being YOU is you being beautiful. Every person deserves to feel confident in their own skin, no matter if you’re a 6 or a 26- as long as you’re healthy.

You should be full. Full of food. Full of life. Full of love. Full of laughter, energy, happiness. You should be full of you and your personality.

I’m an instance of recovery: my mental illness made me starve. I’ve recovered from both an illness in my head and an illness with my body and I’m still here. I know that life is worth it and your body is just a shell to carry your beautiful soul around in. You’re worthy of love. If you’re struggling, you deserve recovery and you deserve respect for the hell you have been through.

If you want to give me a boost or share your own stories, tag me in the picture and use the hashtag. If you just want to show off your body and how gorgeous you are, go ahead. I want to spread positivity. Beauty comes in all forms, and you are one of those forms.

Be you. Be-YOU-te-FULL.

Stay safe and stay happy, Angels ?


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