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Wonderlands Angels
  Updated Wed, 11 Apr 2018 15:49:46 +0000
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The Be-YOU-te-FULL Campaign (#beYOUteFULL)
Category Be-YOU-te-FULL, Be-YOU-te-FULL campaign, beauty blog, beauty blogger, body, body image, culture, curvy, eating disorders, health, healthy, mental health, mental illness, music blog, music blogger, my story, plus size, political, real life, real talk, recovery, society, #beYOUteFULL, #BeYOUteFULL campaign, beauty standards, body confidence, body confidence campaigns, body positive, body positive campigns, body positivity, eff your beauty standards, fuck your beauty standards, inspiring recovery, media beauty, Nini, nini wonderland, self care, self love, self respect, self worth, wonderlands angels, wonderlandsangels, you are worthy
Published:
Description: Hello Angels! I hinted at this on my Instagram yesterday, and if you look through the tags, you’ll see that #beYOUteFULL has appeared in my past 3 posts. For uni, we had to plan a media campaign. I decided to do one on something I knew well: eating problems, disorders, and coping with them and …   more...

Hello Angels!

I hinted at this on my Instagram yesterday, and if you look through the tags, you’ll see that #beYOUteFULL has appeared in my past 3 posts.

For uni, we had to plan a media campaign. I decided to do one on something I knew well: eating problems, disorders, and coping with them and recovering. From that planning stage, I decided no. No, this wasn’t just going to be a planned project that would be marked then forgotten about: I’m actually going to do this.

A little backstory for you: when I was 15/16, I was on the verge of anorexia, if not anorexic. I went to a size 6/8-ish, which for me personally is not healthy. If you’re naturally that size or get to that size healthily, you work it and rock it, I support you. But for me, when I’m naturally an 10/12 through eating a balanced diet and working out (hips, thighs and arse are a 14, but I’m just blessed?) it was not healthy and I looked incredibly ill on those pictures.

I was in an awful relationship and suffered horribly with anxiety and I was depressed, I was having suicidal thoughts. If I got bigger than an 8, I was made to feel big; it’d be pointed out that I’d gained weight. On top of that, I was doing my GCSE’s, so was stressed enough without the added pressure to be perfect. To be able to be shown off. For the size of my thighs to dictate the size of my worth. I was still pursing modelling, and I know the less pounds you weigh, the more pounds in your pocket. For me, to take control of something when I was losing control, I controlled my eating. I looked in the mirror and saw somebody bigger than I was. I was slowly killing myself, to be brutally honest. I ate my tea and very few other meals, but when I did, I was so stressed and so depressed I’d not gain the weight, I’d lose it. I was dancing, doing athletics, and even after I had to stop that for a foot injury, I was still tiny: I couldn’t use that as a reason or an excuse anymore.

I reached a point where I wanted recovery when my mum sat me down and told me she was worried. To everyone who knows me, you know I’m a mums girl, so to be upsetting and worrying my mum and dad (and even my brother who is oblivious to the world around him) was the thing I needed. My best friend Georgia told me she was worried, and that kicked me up the arse. She’s a walking ray of sunshine, so to kill that shine that killed me. Just after this, my then boyfriend split up with me after months of mental and emotional abuse, to put it plainly. I should have walked, but I didn’t. I was too wrapped up thinking I deserved what I put myself through and what he put me through, unable to see how much I was hurting those around me. This was a month before I turned 17. Many of you read my blog what I was suffering: I hid it well.

Now, I’m 19, and I’m happy. I’m physically healthy. I have rougher patches and bad days, but I’m mentally healthier. I’m in a relationship with somebody who truly loves me and treats me like a princess- he loves me no matter my size, my shape, my past or my opinions. I’m not hurting my family (something I see as a massive bonus point, I hate the fact I hurt them and I still hate my past self for hurting them so much). Do I still have days where I feel big or don’t like my body? Yes: every person does. But I look at my thunder thighs (I could crush you and will crush you if you fuck with me, there is strength in these thighs) and my tiny tummy and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I’m proud that I’m no longer hurting those around me, that I know my worth. I thank my mum and family and Georgia every day (mentally, I should actually say it a lot more) for what they did for me, because if it wasn’t for them I could have been a lot worse.

Another reason why I do it and why I decided to go all out with this?

I had a family member point out to me a few months after my 17th birthday that I’d gained weight. That I was bigger. They eyed my pizza and my cake like I should be eating less. Like I should be moved away from the food. In contrast, my mum was looking at me with pride and love and she knew she had her daughter back and not the shell of the girl I had been. I think the family member actually said, ‘A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips‘. The disgust on my mums face and the tone of my brothers voice and she still didn’t get it. I remember my response still:

“The thing is, I was incredibly sick. Now I’m not.”

She still didn’t get it and still doesn’t; she doesn’t seem to understand how I could be happier now I’m bigger and willingly got bigger. The comments on my weight roll off me now. I’m healthy and I’m proud of my curves…

Oh, and moment on my lips is a blessing for these hips, I’m an hourglass for a reason.

So, why Be-YOU-te-FULL? Well, everyone deserves to be and feel beautiful (pass the cheese) and there’s nothing wrong with being full. Whether it be because you’ve been starving your body and you’ve finally ate enough, or whether you’re suffering BED and you don’t binge until you’re overly full. Being YOU is you being beautiful. Every person deserves to feel confident in their own skin, no matter if you’re a 6 or a 26- as long as you’re healthy.

You should be full. Full of food. Full of life. Full of love. Full of laughter, energy, happiness. You should be full of you and your personality.

I’m an instance of recovery: my mental illness made me starve. I’ve recovered from both an illness in my head and an illness with my body and I’m still here. I know that life is worth it and your body is just a shell to carry your beautiful soul around in. You’re worthy of love. If you’re struggling, you deserve recovery and you deserve respect for the hell you have been through.

If you want to give me a boost or share your own stories, tag me in the picture and use the hashtag. If you just want to show off your body and how gorgeous you are, go ahead. I want to spread positivity. Beauty comes in all forms, and you are one of those forms.

Be you. Be-YOU-te-FULL.

Stay safe and stay happy, Angels ?

The Tattoo (so far) Post
Category art, blog, blogger, body, body image, music blog, music blogger, personal, tattoos, vintage blogger, Welsh, wonderlandsangels, alternative, alternative blogger, fishbone st helens, fishbone tattoo, meaningful tattoos, nini wonderland, reasons behind tattoos, tattoo, tattoo addict, tattoo post, wonderlands angels
Published:
Description: Hello Angels! If you’ve been here awhile, you’ll know that I’m a tattoo fan. If you’re new, you might not know, so there you go: I’m a tattoo fan. I’m 19 and have 7 tattoos and I plan on at least 2 more by the end of the year. I know they’re forever and I …   more...

Hello Angels!

If you’ve been here awhile, you’ll know that I’m a tattoo fan. If you’re new, you might not know, so there you go: I’m a tattoo fan.

I’m 19 and have 7 tattoos and I plan on at least 2 more by the end of the year. I know they’re forever and I know they’re permanent and I know they’re not to everyone’s taste. There’s a stigma around them, but I don’t get it: spend 5 minutes with me and you’ll know unless you piss me off, I’m an actual sweetheart.

I thought I’d do a little post on each of them and give a reason why that one and also how badly they hurt.

My first tattoo EVER was Chip from Beauty and the Beast, and he’s still lonely on my right arm; I do want a Disney sleeve, but it’s planning where I’d put everything. He’s on my wrist and it didn’t hurt that much? It was about 2 hours, so working on already worked skin is a bitch, but it really wasn’t that bad. I got him because I wanted a kind of matching tattoo with mum; she got a tattoo for mine, Dan’s and my aunt Kate’s 18th birthdays, and she let me pick. She’s a big Angella Lansbury fan, she likes teapots, Mrs Potts seemed perfect. So, I got Chip: mother and child.

Then came my mental health tattoo, it honestly didn’t really hurt much at all, mostly at each end where the skin is the thinnest. It’s on the inside of my left forearm and took about 45 minutes to do. This one has a lot of meaning: the first part of the line is the heart when it’s panicked (for my anxiety) and it flatlines slightly… Then, goes into a heart to represent my family and friends who help me through and the semi colon to show I’ll carry on and continue. The end of the line is a happy, healthier heart beat.

Next came my nude dancing goddesses, and this one I didn’t feel at all, it was painless honestly: it’s just below my elbow on the side of my left arm. I know there are a lot like this, and I took bits from different designs I saw and mashed them together. I’m fascinated with pagan beliefs and imagery which is where this one came from for me. There’s one for each important woman in my life, so an aspect of them are always with me and watching out for me.

If you’re a long time reader or know me personally, you’ll know all about Jerome, who I had tattooed on the same day as my goddesses. He hurt more in the 3 minutes it took than the 40 minutes it took for them because he’s just above my wrist bone, on my left arm (other than Chip they all are on my left arm). My friend Georgia used to doodle him in psychology books and English books and Maths books when I was going through a really bad time in my life: I’d been through hell and was in a horrible relationship, but I had Jerome to cheer me on.

When Georgia saw it she nearly pushed me in the road but HEY HO.

I already did a post on this guy which I’ll leave here, but he’s my nod to Goth God Edgar Allan Poe, and my favourite piece of work by him ‘The Raven’. This was 3 hours and it hurt towards the end because again, he was working on already raw, bloody skin. The good thing was, it’s thicker skin than the rest of mine are on, so it meant I could go longer. I had a break to stand up after 2 and a half hours I think because my leg went dead but then I was fine- take what I say with a pinch of salt because I have a pretty high pain tolerance.

This is one of the most recent ones, and it is tiny and subtle but when tattoos are properly on your wrist and not straight lines, they fucking hurt. But, it was worth it: I’m very proud of my heritage (as you’ll see) so for me, I wanted to show it with some of the language. Cariad means loved one/love in. Welsh, and it’s on my left wrist, where your heart line is (why a wedding ring goes on your left hand). I’m still feeling it, but it’s worth it. I love it, and there’s many reasons I do, but I’m not going into them.

This is my other most recent, and it means ‘The sun will always rise’ in Gaelic (I got it translated and checked multiple sources, it’s right). On both my dad’s side and mum’s side we have Irish family, the majority from Southern Ireland, but some from Northern Ireland. We’re a very Celtic family, and I’ll be having a lot more Celtic themed ones. This one also hurt like a bitch; at the wrist and the elbow, I was not okay. The more bone there is, the more it’ll hurt (God bless me when I get my chest done).

Now, my tattoos may not all be dainty and elegant and ‘Instagram Flash-sheet Style‘ or ‘Instagram Worthy’ but they make me feel good, and who really expects me to be dainty? For someone not always comfortable in her own skin and who has days where I don’t wanna look in the mirror, they make me feel confident. They’re not to the taste of everyone, but I love them: I see myself in pictures with them on show and I feel beautiful and I feel more like me, more like the person I aim to be. I love the idea of being covered in art- a little boy quietly asked his mum if he could draw on me too and I was so happy because if he’d have asked me I’d have said yes. Cover me in art and doodles.
Whatever pain they cause me while they’re getting done, whether the pain is small or big, each one means something and the pain is irrelevant because they’re worth it.

I digress; that’s it so far. I want a lot more, most of my legs done, my chest, my Disney sleeve, my back, back of my neck, ribs, behind my ear: I’m going to be a tattooed lady, and I’m ready for this. It’s just narrowing down stuff I want and money that stops me.

If you’re curious about where I get them from and who, I go to Fishbone in St Helens, and Mark has done every single one of mine and puts up with me being awkward and problematic. I couldn’t recommend them enough, and the quality of work is incredible- they also know me and mum by sight; we come as a pair?

Are you planning on tattoos? Have you got any? Let me know, because this is talk I love!

Stay safe and stay happy, Angels ?

Let?s Talk About it: Beauty Standards
Category beauty, blog, blogger, blogging, body, body image, feelings, music blog, music blogger, plus size, reaction, real talk, recovery, speak out, vintage blogger, wonderlandsangels, acne, beauty standards, blogger community, body positive, body standards, eff your beauty standards, fuck your beauty standards, influencers, L'Oréal, nini wonderland, pinup, wonderlands angels
Published:
Description: Hello Angels! I wanted to start a weekly post where I tackle a topic: because of what’s been going on in the beauty and fashion industry in the past week or so, I wanted to tackle beauty standards first. Makeup and Beauty: Yes, I’ve seen the shitshow that is L’Oréal saying that they won’t work …   more...

Hello Angels!

I wanted to start a weekly post where I tackle a topic: because of what’s been going on in the beauty and fashion industry in the past week or so, I wanted to tackle beauty standards first.

Makeup and Beauty:

Yes, I’ve seen the shitshow that is L’Oréal saying that they won’t work with influencers with skin conditions, including acne. In my opinion, this is incredibly ridiculous. First of all, as shocking as it is, models also get acne and spots: it’s just photoshopped out and expertly covered. That isn’t right.

As someone who has acne, if I cared about the opinion of them, I’d feel as if I couldn’t wear the brand: like (and it’s old news and I’ll mention it later but when companies only want young skinny people wearing their clothes) I was being excluded. I don’t use or wear L’Oréal products because they openly test on animals and I don’t use products tested on animals; it’s unnecessary.

If you have acne, or another skin condition, whether it be considered ‘minor’ or ‘major’, you’re beautiful. You don’t need to wear a brand that refuses to let real people promote their brand, usually for free. I know that I’d already boycott them, but this just furthers my opinion that others should to.

This was brought to attention by an influencer called emeraldxbeauty- I follow her on Instagram and she’s such a sweet woman and she’s STUNNING, whether you can see her acne or not. I’m proud of her to draw attention to it because it takes guts, especially with a company so big with huge influencers connecting to it.

Acne doesn’t make you less beautiful. I suffer acne, so I get it: you don’t feel pretty. But, and I’ll say this again later in the post, but others don’t see what we see. That huge spot? Probably not to huge to other people. That scarring? Probably not as noticeable as it is to you. If someone makes a comment then they deserve a kick up the arse outta your life. Their opinion doesn’t matter: what matters is yours. Judgemental people will judge, but they’re not worth your time.

Body Shaming:

This one I know about because of a woman I follow, again on Instagram, and my gears were officially ground. There’s a body shaming trend going around in the pinup community and it makes me sick.

Some may not know, but I did used to do vintage modelling and some pinup stuff. Not much, but I did dabble, and for some plan I have for uni I’m going to have to do some more.

(The silver dress one is just a selfie, but you can see my body changes throughout all of them: my weight goes up and down a lot)

The pinup community is where I felt safest: whether I was tiny skinny or more curvy, I felt accepted. But apparently that’s changing and it’s awful.

Whether skinny, curvy, bigger or somewhere in the middle, whether a size 8 or 18, small boobs or big, big arse or small: your body is valid and you’re beautiful, as long as you’re healthy. Look at the old school pinup models: they’re usually curvy. Not all of them, but usually they are; that was the sought after body type. To have a tiny waist but a tummy and thighs and an arse and boobs: that was sought after. Any pinup is a valid pinup, but why are people shaming others in the most accepting modeling ‘genre’ if you will.

So yes: if you’re one of the pinups shaming people?
Fuck you and fuck off.

I’ve struggled a lot with my body image and body confidence for years now and I still struggle today. For me, I look at the art and tattoos that make me feel beautiful. Eventually, I begin to see myself as art: art is always imperfect but always beautiful in a way. We don’t see ourselves how others see us; our eyes are drawn to our own flaws while they’re drawn to others beauty.

My mum has been my champion in making me feel beautiful and reminding me I am. When with boys who would see s stretch mark and run, she reminded me of how beautiful I was inside and out. We all need a mum or a person in our lives like my mum- I’d be lost completely without her.

Then, although in my life only 6 months, not a day goes by where Connor doesn’t tell me I’m beautiful. He’s an incredible person who I’m lucky to have (he’s also lucky to have me because I’m a great girlfriend and hilarious but) and I think girls (and boys) go for people they shouldn’t to seek validation. Those people in the end make you feel worse. Don’t go for dickheads- you can see how a man will treat you from how they treat their mother (in reason). Find someone who loves you and thinks you’re beautiful when you’re an angry pile of probable sobbing and nursing a food baby. I’m glad I did.

Every body is a good body as long as you’re healthy. As long as you aren’t battling an eating disorder (because it can be both under and over eating) and you’re healthy and a good person, you’re beautiful. Don’t let people tell you differently.

Stay safe and stay happy, Angels?

Just Outside- Moose Blood Review
Category bands, blog, blogger, blogging, music, music blog, music blogger, music review, review, reviews, vintage blogger, alternative, alternative music, indie, music recommendations, music reviews, nini wonderland, wonderlands angels, wonderlandsangels
Published:
Description: Hello Angels! I’m here with another review, and this time, it is from another of my favourite bands (I’m being spoiled this year). If you’ve never heard Moose Blood, go listen as soon as you can: they’re an incredible band and I’ve been a fan for a few years now. Just Outside is their newest …   more...

Hello Angels!

I’m here with another review, and this time, it is from another of my favourite bands (I’m being spoiled this year). If you’ve never heard Moose Blood, go listen as soon as you can: they’re an incredible band and I’ve been a fan for a few years now.

Just Outside is their newest single released from their upcoming album I Don’t Think I Can Do This Anymore, due to be released Thursday (I’m screaming) and the third single released from this album, the prior two being Have I Told You Enough and Talk in Your Sleep‘ (both linked in case you wanna catch up on releases).

I’ve already downloaded this song and I’d be surprised, but by this point, I’d be more surprised if Moose Blood released a bad song- easily one of the most consistent bands that I’ve listened to. By this, I mean that in every aspect: they’re consistently good, they’re always friendly to fans and supporters, and their sound is consistent.

But, I’ll go on to talking about Just Outside itself. It begins with a guitar riff I come to expect from Moose Blood: there’s an old school punk-pop-indie sound to it, backed by an incredible drum beat (I’m in awe of how drummers do it, especially Lee Munday who is up there with some of my favourite drummers, because with drumming there’s so much to do and such an important role) which gives it an upbeat sound, carried on through the bassline by Kyle Todd which honestly helps carry the song through and along; unless you’re the Black Keys, you need a bassist in a band or things just won’t mesh. Although, lyric wise, Moose Blood may not always be the most upbeat and may be sad or bitter, 9 times outta 10, the song will sound happy and it’s not until you think as you sing along and realise that there’s some pain in there.

And bringing me onto that point, the first line: “I saw you lose your mind.” which is shortly followed by the line “You said ‘it’s nice not being here'”. Yes, despite the happy music under it, the lyrics? Not so happy. And I love it.

I know if you read my last review (which I’ll leave here) you’ll be thinking I’m a hypocrite and due to how much I love this band, I’m slightly biased. But that’s where you’re wrong. With Next to Me by Imagine Dragons, it didn’t work because there was too much going on, too many contrasting sounds, too much drama. With this, Eddy Brewerton’s (and also Mark Osbourne’s) voice fits perfectly, every riff and beat fit like a dream: the only thing that contrasts is the lyrics, but in typical Moose Blood fashion… it works. Due to the genre that the band may fall in to (there’s heavy punk pop influences, but there’s a more modern, indie sound) it’s a typical trope for the lyrics to not match, for there to be hidden mess in the joy of the sound: it makes it both relatable, but not depressing. That’s not an insult; out of the bands that go down this route, Moose Blood rein supreme and do it with such precision and mastery that it leaves many bands in their shadow.

I can’t find fault with the song. As usual, I’m in awe of the skill each band member has, and the story the song tells. With every album, their sound improves, there’s more precision with it, more direction. It makes me excited to hear the album in full (believe me, a review will be up) but also already looking forward already for what’s next. What else can they do?

So, is this song as good as Cherry (you can’t compare them in sound and tone at all- Cherry is just my favourite song by them so it’s my marker point) and does it make me feel as much? Yes and no. Lyrically, it’s impeccable and the story behind the song is clear, and I feel connected. But it doesn’t hit me as hard, but that song is hard to touch for me. Listening to this and the songs on the album which have been released, I’m ready for a journey and I’m excited.

Good luck to them on their tour, and enjoy the success; you honestly really deserve it.

Stay safe and stay happy Angels ?

Next To Me- Imagine Dragons Review
Category blog, blogger, blogging, music, music blog, music blogger, music review, review, reviews, Uncategorized, Imagine Dragons, Next to Me, Next to Me Imagine Dragons
Published:
Description: Hello Angels! So, I’m a huge Imagine Dragons fan so when I saw that this had been released, I squealed a little. Taken from their most recent album, it has a different tone from their last few singles, namely Believer and Warrior (two massive singles that differ entirely to this). I think it’ll divide fans: …   more...

Hello Angels!

So, I’m a huge Imagine Dragons fan so when I saw that this had been released, I squealed a little. Taken from their most recent album, it has a different tone from their last few singles, namely Believer and Warrior (two massive singles that differ entirely to this).

I think it’ll divide fans: the more fierce lyrics in past singles has what people have grown used to and I know I go to them for when I need the confidence boost. This on the other hand is more tender lyrically, showing vulnerability: a trend in singles this year apparently (which you’ll know about if you read my last music review which I’ll leave here).

The beginning few seconds packs the punch we’re used to, the drums creating a heartbeat sound which sound like they’ll lead us into battle (again, what we’ve gotten used to), to then be toned down by the acoustic guitar. Usually, I’d not think they’d merge well, but the contrast between them interests me. There’s a fierce edge, but there’s also a softer side, and seeing as the song is seemingly about love and the downsides of loving the singer (stop being silly Dan Reynolds, you’re lovely). This being said: the downside is, that for the first few listens, that contrast was all I could really focus on. I wasn’t listening to the music, I was too drawn in by all of the contrasting elements, which if separate would work perfectly, but when thrown together, it’s just distracting.

That is a sad point, because lyrically. this song is so incredibly beautiful. The lyrics hit me to the core once I let them sink in, so the fact that they may go overlooked actually physically hurts me. Reynolds voice is full of emotion, but at the same time it’s complex because he sounds almost distant, adding another layer, but this is a layer that works and I was crying out for throughout the whole of the song. This is where the divide comes in: for some people there may be too much going on to be listening to the lyrics properly, meaning that it will go over peoples heads completely and they may just write the song off. The lyrics relate to me a lot:

“Thank you for taking a chance on me, I know it isn’t easy, but I hope to be worth it.”

Look at those lyrics. Just one line taken from an incredibly well written song. They pack a punch, especially in the flow of the song where they’re sang almost acapella. The thing is, the rest of the song is as powerful, but it gets drowned out: especially in the end with the random high notes that come in, making me feel like I’m in some dramatic opera or a battle on The Voice. Yes, those notes are hella impressive, but they seem out of place.

The band is incredibly talented: all instruments are played with precision and with thought, but they don’t always mesh well together and I don’t think this was the song to experiment on… To me, it should have been stripped back, if emotional layers are on show, a song should be more simplistic. I really hope there’s an acoustic version somewhere, because that’s what this song deserves: for the story and the lyrics to be heard without the unnecessary drama.

I’d name each musician one by one and go in and explain the elements I love but how they don’t work together in full, but just look up the amount of members: I have to stop rambling at some point or this would be a small novel and not a review. But listen to it and separate each instrument if you can. They’re incredibly well played, but together it sounds more like a battle than trying to put a message across. I get that the song can be seen as dramatic and it’s a heart-wrenching song and they wanted it to stand out, but let the lyrics and the music do the talking toned down. Not everything has to be dramatic.

I respect the band a lot, and I had high hopes for this song. Do I love it? In a way yes, despite all of that, I do because those lyrics kill me, but I’m also slightly disappointed by it because it had the potential to be something amazing and even more beautiful. If it had been stripped back a little, I think it may have been one of their best.

Stay safe and stay happy, Angels!?




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